Am I good enough?

Am I good enough?

I normally try to have some word of wisdom when I write a blog post, something that God has enlightened me with and filled my heart to share with others. Today that is not the case. Today I would like to share a personal struggle. 

I am a person that has a reckless past, I am a guy who made every mistake short of murder and that only by God’s grace is left off the rap sheet of my past. I am a man that still struggles with all kinds of issues and way to often those issues are foremost in my mind. I know what God wants of me, but I hold off on pressing towards that goal based on the nagging little voice that says, “You are better than you were, but you’re not good enough yet”! Have you ever heard that voice, the one that says there is another person is better suited to do what God has laid on your heart? The voice that says if you start it you will be a stumbling block. The voice that is arrogant enough to question God?

Is that the voice of fear, the voice of the devil, or in my case the voice of the church? See church members don’t want imperfect leaders in any position. I think it is not out of any reason other than to protect the church and even in thoughts that they need to protect Jesus and the Gospel from us imperfect people.

My conclusion, we are all imperfect and screwed up, I think the same Peter that denied Christ is the same Peter that preached on Pentecost. The same screwed up Peter; the same confused Peter, the same fearful Peter. I think he just decided he would rather be used by God then left behind. He wanted to perform the role God had for him and trust that God was enough. Why should I think Jesus can cover my sins and make me righteous but not cover me in the grace needed to share him with others? In my imperfections I will continue, so that God gets the glory. I cannot fix me, but He can use me.

Sovereignty of God

King David, man after God's own heart....... he danced to his clothes fell off, we credit him with worship and song...... we say we want to be a "house of David"!

What else was David, adulterer, womanizer, killer, warrior, bandit.... all of these titles fit as well.

I would like to point out something that King David knew that allowed him to be a man after God's own heart. He knew God was sovereign.

Do you understand that word, I didn't. So I did what all good students do, I Googled it- supreme power of authority. David knew that is where God stood, as supreme power and authority over all.

This is why we see he will not kill Saul, God's annointed. It is why he fled from Saul, because God had not told him it was time. It is why he did not build the temple, though he wanted to so badly. He understood God's decisions are without question, the final authority.

I submit the example:

2 Samuel 12:22-23

New International Version (NIV)

²² He answered, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ ²³ But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.”
In this we see David weeping and praying for the life of his child that bore the sin of his murder of a soldier for his wife and adultery that led to it. In this event, confronted with his sin, David begged to make in him a clean heart never denying his issues or questioning God. Here we see a man that understands God's authority and supreme power, even to the point that he knows God is just, even when he takes the life of the child.

I agree we need houses of David in the sense of worship, but I believe equally important is heart that bows to the sovereignty of God. Singing and shouting are hollow acts if the heart does not acknowledge the sovereignty. God is not a genie, we do not have the right to blame Him when He does not do it our way. Understanding who He is, His sovereignty is the only way to truly see Him in all the power and glory and worship our Lord as David did.

My prayer is that the Lord make in me a clean heart and allow worship God as sovereign.   

The missed lesson in the story of the prodigal son

Most of us know the story of the prodigal son; if you do not you kind find it in Luke 15 starting in verse 11. Allow me to recap.

            Son says “Dad I want what will be mine when you’re dead, I don’t want to wait”. Dad gives it. Kid travel to the hottest party spot and then surrounds himself with people and parties until broke. Famine hits (think economic downturn) and he is out of cash. He finds himself in debt to a man that has him working in pig pins feeding them, he is considering eating that stuff they eat, remembering the good old days. Then he decides to go home.

Luke 15

            ¹⁷ “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! ¹⁸ I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. ¹⁹ I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ ²⁰ So he got up and went to his father.

So here we have a son of entitlement, thinking that all should be given to him. Much like we have today with kids living at home until they are 21-26 and some even older. There are people in their 30s still having parents pay for things for them. This is a generation of prodigal spirits. A society that says, I am entitled, I deserve this and that, I should not have to work and be patient. I want it now.

            So rather than argue, the father out of love gives the desires to the kid. Much as our heavenly Father has given to us freely, we have the freedom to choose, even if that choice abuses his good and loving nature. When the boy starts to return home, he knows that he has nothing of value left, he has tried to do it his way and has failed, he knows he deserves nothing. He decides he will beg to be a servant in the fathers house. He realizes his own failure and dirtiness and knows that if his father will have him he, will serve him. The act of the father taking him back in all his filthiness, despite all he has done, makes the boy want to serve him. He realizes that his father’s servants have good and happy lives of abundance, when he has squandered all he had. He realizes the intelligence of the father plan, and a goodness that he has abused.

            He goes home and is welcomed back. We have all been told that this is the way it is, that God loves us just like this prodigal son, and will accept us back, and He will!    …………………… But we see a change in the son in scripture. It is often overlooked. He went away with the heart of arrogance and self-desire. He returned with the heart of the servant, in humility. When we develop the heart of a servant then we truly can move into our true role in the house of the father. The arrogant son caused the father pain, the house was divided. But the humble servant that returned to him restored the family. Remember that the Father that accepts us regardless of circumstance, also desires to create in us the heart of a servant.

For even Jesus came to serve (Mark 10:45), and we should daily desire to be more Christ like.

Prayer:

Lord develop in me the character of a servant, ever willing to place my hands in the work of your kingdom. Let my desires be the completion of your activities. May others never hear me complain but always rejoicing in what you place before me. You are great and I am worthy only through the blood of your Son Jesus, thank you for welcoming me into your house. I love you Father. Amen

Mission Organizations, Missing the Mission Minded

Let me begin by stating that I have a burden on me from God to serve. To gather the information needed to make a Spirit filled decision I began looking into different organizations. I have a group I am burdened for but not sure the best path to take. I am yet unsure of just where the Lord will open the door but I am certain he will.

That being said I see a glaring problem with mission organizations. I would be willing to state is is also an issue in the church, and for some of us in our personal lives. We have all heard it said that if Jesus showed up today a lot of churches would not let him in.

but.........

I would also say that they would not let in Paul, a known murder. What about the woman at the well, Jesus used her to spread his message, but not us - she has simply been married too many times. Thomas, of course not, he admitted to having doubts. David, well we are impressed with that Goliath thing, but you had an adulterous affair that lead to murder, man after God's own heart, maybe, but we can't use you to spread the good news. How about the good Samaritan, surely he......., no ............ wrong ethnicity. 

Does this sound crazy? of course it does but it all happens, all the time. See Jesus makes us a new creation, and we dance and shout about it at churches, we write songs bout it. But we don't believe it, if we did, there would be no missionary positions unfilled. When a missionary group can take a person and disqualify them based on past, we don't believe. When a church quiets the new convert because they are too fired up, we don't believe. When you apply for a job and they say, you realize this is a black/white/Hispanic church, we don't believe. When we decide to use the sins that were forgiven to dictate worthiness and disqualify God's children, we don't believe.

If we were filed with the Spirit, allowing the Spirit to bear witness one to another as the only requirement, the workers would not be so few. I fear we will have a lot to answer for when we stand before the Savior and he says, why didn't you use the workers I sent you, why did you not believe. The harvest was lost.

I pray that the Lord change my character if need be, but that I never hear those words from the Savior.